Faith

Caution: Sanctification in Progress!

/ RedeemedInGrace / 2 Comments

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I like to sleep, perhaps too much. Slowly the Lord is stripping away this desire toward slothfulness. Part of having a son on the autism spectrum is his inability to stay asleep through the night. He seems to not require a whole lot of it, which for me is bad news. I can be pretty cranky if I have not slept well, especially if those sleepless nights occur one after another. Let me re-phrase that: I am downright ill without sleep (Southern translation: “mean as a snake!”).

I have a beautiful life and I am abundantly blessed, but my life is also messy and broken. Lack of sleep has shown me more than any other trial just how ugly I am in my flesh. God has used this to peel back the layers of my sin. Just when I think I am “doing okay” and “spiritual enough”, I get hit with a holy 2×4 to knock some sense into me!

I do not remember my son having problems sleeping through the night as a baby until he was eight months old. I distinctly remember this because it was over the Christmas holidays and we were visiting my in-laws. Oh my stars that was rough! From that point on it has been a struggle for the little guy. Since Jesse does not sleep well at night he falls asleep sometimes in the most random places. He is well known for catnaps at restaurants, and on other peoples’ couches. A few times he has fallen asleep in the church nursery, on the floor. The other kids did not seem to mind, they just continued playing around him. No big deal.

It has definitely made me thankful for the gift of sleep when everyone in my house does get a good night of rest. Those moments in the middle of the night when he is up for two to four hours, I have a choice to make. I can become Hulk-like in my anger or I can earnestly pray for wisdom and compassion. I admit I often fail to extend grace to my little guy at 2am so when I have a supernatural work of patience and love I know it is from the Holy Spirit. Too many times I would get frustrated with him because I thought he was being disobedient. I would say, “Go. To. Sleep!!” for the 100th time without any success. However, I have learned as a fairly new parent a few things: I cannot make him sleep. I have also learned that his struggle with sleep is not his fault. It is a symptom of an autistic child and research still cannot answer why many with autism have this problem. Is it neurological, psychological, physical, or environmental? The list goes on.

When something as essential as sleep is taken away I see my truest self…and my need for Jesus. More than once I have had to apologize to my four year old for getting angry with him over this issue. I do not know if he even understands, but I say I am sorry anyway. I bend down to his level so his eyes meet mine, and sign ‘sorry’ to him. He signs it back. I explain to him that even mommy sins and I need Jesus too.

It has been a humbling experience to see how truly sinful I am. But then morning comes and God’s mercies are new, His grace is fresh. I am functioning on empty for the most part and yet on those days especially I feel His strength and sustaining grace.

I often have conversations with the Lord (sometimes in frustration) related to His Sovereignty and power to help Jesse sleep through the night, and why this is still an issue. I expect Him to fix it. And yet, God has a much better plan with how to use this trial- April’s sanctification. (Groan). I really am thankful for spiritual growth however small it may be, it is just the growing part that can be painful and inconvenient. It is a pruning process, necessary for the best fruit. Jesus is the Vine and His chosen ones are the branches. I must cling to Him as if my life depends on it, because it does.

So, to the mama with a newborn who has yet to sleep through the night; to the parent of an autistic child who sleeps poorly like mine; and to the parent with a child who has trouble sleeping or refuses to sleep, God sees your weary spirit and tired eyes. You offer up a plea to make this stop partly out of frustration and the feeling that you just might go certifiably insane if you do not get relief soon. God sees you and He knows your situation. It may be for a season or it might last a whole lot longer than you hoped. But friend, God can and will carry you through it! I do not know exactly how in the specifics of your life but trust in Him anyway. Those days you find yourself on survival mode, think of a Scripture verse or a worship song to sing over and over again until the attitude of your heart is at peace. “You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You” (Isaiah 26:3 ESV). God is with you, exhausted as you are. Remain in Him and see His grace at work. There will be beautiful, vibrant fruit in due season.

Grace upon grace,

April

So, what now?

/ RedeemedInGrace / 6 Comments

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What do you do when the dreams you had planned for your life are dashed? What do you do when the life you envisioned for yourself does not come to fruition? For me, part of my disappointment has been secondary infertility. This means that I have one child, conceived without any problem, but for some reason the second time around my body has not cooperated. It is like the factory shut down and my body stopped doing a very natural thing women were created to do- have children.

My husband and I wanted more children, siblings for our son who is now four. We wanted kids close in age, so when our son Jesse, was nine months old we hoped it would not be long before he had a brother or sister. I think the first year I was in denial that there was a problem. I mean the women in my family have never had any issues in being able to conceive. I come from hearty stock, I thought. Then as the months passed by, turning into years I began to wonder what was wrong with me? It was about this time when I became particularly hard on myself that I started receiving advice and comments in how to “solve” my problem. Gain some weight, don’t drink coffee (are they nuts?!), take more vitamins, sleep more, “it will happen eventually”.

Sometimes our bodies just do not work the way we want them to and it is insanely frustrating. So, two years into trying for baby #2 my husband and I went to a fertility specialist. Apparently I’m fine and he’s fine and there is no known reason as to why we should not be able to have more children. Don’t you just love when doctors tell you that? I think I might be able to take it better if I had a reason or something to answer my question, ‘why?’

To top it off I see friends and family expanding their tribe and I am hurt that the Lord has seemingly passed me by. I do not understand and I have so many questions. Just to clarify, I am thrilled to pieces God gave me my son. Sometimes I just look at his face and I am in awe that I get to be his mom. I want to be particularly sensitive to the precious couples that battle primary infertility. My heart goes out to the woman or man who is hurting or angry. I cannot completely understand your grief, but I do get it on some level. I can sympathize with you and cry with you.

Any couple experiencing infertility whether it is primary or secondary, usually journeys through it silently. Even though this issue consumes a lot of your time, money, thoughts, and emotions you do not talk about it. Maybe it is the subject of the trial- making babies, or maybe you feel like a failure (you shouldn’t). Perhaps your heart is so tender you feel you might cry at the mention of a baby. Sometimes you just want someone to “get it”, that your heart breaks into a million pieces every time you hear another pregnancy announcement or receive a baby shower invitation. It is not that you are not happy for those folks it is just hard to swallow sometimes. Let me state that because God creates life, all of life is beautiful and resentment should not have a permanent place in your heart.

I have no doubt whatsoever Who is in control over the womb. I have seen some women struggle with infertility and have “surprise” pregnancies, ‘miracle blessing babies’ I call them. Other times women are not able to conceive. How we respond to those disappointments is crucial to our faith.

I heard a sermon recently by a guest speaker who said, “Jesus is worthy of worship at all times by all peoples.” He was speaking on missions, but if Christians really believe that Jesus is worthy of our worship at all times, even in the hard moments, then this should be our response. I never really considered that Jesus has lovingly placed secondary infertility in my life for His purpose. I know Romans 8:28 and quote it for other things and to other people, but infertility? The hard answer is yes.

Fellow sufferers, God can make beautiful things from your sorrow. He can take your desire for a baby and lead you down a path for your life otherwise impossible without this “roadblock”. Jesus is infinitely better than my hopes and dreams that I had planned. His plans are generally different than mine anyway because He can see the whole picture. I only see what is right in front of me, another negative pregnancy test. God will keep you too. He will hold your hand as you journey through this season. Trust in God’s goodness and sovereignty in those moments of sadness and frustration. He has not passed you by. The Lord may be using for you even greater things you cannot even fathom. That may include children someday. Truly, our loving and wise Father has purposed this for you to deepen your faith. Spiritual growth is richer and greater than getting what we want when we want it.

The compassionate Lord saw Hannah’s tears and heard her prayers. He set His purpose for a miraculous pregnancy through Sarah. He sought out Hagar when she was turned away from Abraham’s home, with Ishmael, in her most desperate hour. God used Esther to save a nation. He redeemed Ruth, a Moabitess. Almighty God permitted divine conception for both Elizabeth and Mary! He is a God who sees our tears and hurts. He hears our prayers. He knows our desires. He weaves His power throughout history for His glory and honor. There is purpose in your story.

So, what now? How will you respond to infertility? Friends, others are watching how you respond. They may not know the details of your situation, but hardship has a way of seeping into every aspect of our life, affecting daily living. Whether you realize it or not they are seeing if you live by faith. Maybe it is an unsaved co-worker or a new sister in Christ and they need to see you worship Jesus even when everything does not go your way. Proverbs 3:5-6 says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight” (NIV). So even though I may not always feel like it and it can be really hard to do so, I choose to trust the Lord with this day. I choose to bow down and worship my beautiful Savior in the face of infertility.

Grace upon grace,

April

For added support and encouragement for infertility, miscarriage, or child loss a site I have found helpful is http://www.sarahs-laughter.com.

Rainy days and Mondays

/ RedeemedInGrace / Leave a comment

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I love rainy days. We have had quite of few in the past week. My husband jokes that I must be related to Emily Dickinson, but I am certainly not morbid or gloomy. I prefer serious, quiet, and reflective. Occasionally Ms. Cranky Pants, but that is only if I have been sleep deprived (or you take my coffee). I enjoy overcast rainy days because it serves as either a peaceful background noise or reminds me of God’s awesome power. Thunderstorms especially showcase the Lord’s greatness with booms of thunder and cracks of lightning. We need the rain and strong winds to blow away all the excess grime and allow plants and trees to grow. My outside plants would die without the rain, seriously, no green thumb here. They are what we like to call “low-maintenance” foliage.

The rain is a perfect excuse to stay inside and get cozy with a cup of coffee, and a good book. (I’m just kidding I have an energetic four year old). It is ideal anyway. When it is pouring outside I am so thankful that I have a safe haven, a refuge, a shelter to run to during the storm. I am nice and dry in my home, watching the rain fall sideways as it pelts the pavement. Storms in life are essential too for our spiritual growth. It is not always fun, often interrupts our plans, and can sometimes be scary. That is when we run to our Ultimate Refuge, resting in the shadow of His wings. Ever seen a mama bird nestle her young ones under her during a rain shower? She is protecting them from outside elements, keeping those little birds warm and dry. When trials beat down and we feel as though we are drowning, Jesus reaches to pull us up. We run to our Strong Tower, resting in His strength and power.

There is peace among turbulent waters when we meditate on God’s goodness and sovereignty. What Satan uses to harm, God can use for our spiritual good. Even when Mondays roll around and you shoot out of bed like a canon ball going from zero to sixty miles per hour in 2.5 seconds. The day has begun and you already start to fall behind by 7am, unable to catch up with the demands for the day. A lot of times it feels like going around and around in a hamster wheel. You go, go, go, and then look around wondering, what exactly did I accomplish today? For the record, I am not a fan of Mondays. Stress starts mounting and it is only the beginning of the week. Once again you feel yourself drowning. The insurmountable tasks each day, failing over and over again get to be too much. But Jesus is there. He holds out His Hand for you to grab onto. Just like He helped Peter from drowning, Jesus can pull you out also. “Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. ‘You of little faith,’ he said, ‘why did you doubt?’ (Matthew 14:31) The trials, the demands, and the stress are a part of life, but Jesus is with you. Have faith and ask for His help. Remember His love for you. Even thank the Lord for the hard moments because that is where spiritual growth takes place. We need the occasional torrential downpour in order to see fruit.

I find myself singing a hymn from a children’s cd that I play for Jesse in the car, because really I need the reminder too. It goes: “Count your blessings name them one by one. Count your blessings see what God has done. Count your blessings name them one by one. Count your many blessings see what God has done.” So do not let rainy days and Mondays get you down. (Bonus points if you get the reference). Find something to be thankful for even when it is hard to see. Keep practicing a grateful heart. Jesus has given us so much to thank Him for.

Grace upon grace,

April

Brave Faith

/ RedeemedInGrace / 1 Comment

photoFor a few weeks now I have been stunned and saddened by the news. Evil overwhelms us at a rapid pace and the world seems so chaotic. I have had writer’s block, trying to process my thoughts and emotions, looking to the Lord for truth. There is so much white noise coming from the media. What is happening in the world today as far as homosexual sin itself is nothing new and has been around since almost the beginning (Genesis 19:4-5; Leviticus 18:22; Romans 1:24-28). The sanctioning of gay marriage in society is what has Christians turned on our heads because we see something immoral being forced upon us.

I turned on the television Friday morning to a local news station and my heart sank as I watched less than a dozen celebrate at their LGBT headquarters over the legalization of gay marriage. I was genuinely disturbed by what I saw. It isn’t just the breakdown of society as we know it that breaks my heart, but the individuals I saw rejoicing in their sin. I saw their faces, their souls. I cried later that day for the lost. There is so much blindness and darkness it grieves me to watch it play out on a national platform.

Christians should now be responding with compassion toward those who rebel against God, and hate Him. We speak the truth in love, but also with conviction. They need the Gospel message just like everyone else, because we too were once dead in our sins. Pray for redemption, salvation by grace through belief in Jesus Christ as the Son of God. Weep over our country and how God is dishonored. The current events should not surprise us, however. Jesus warned His disciples of what life would be like in the last days:

“At that time many will turn away from the faith and will betray and hate each other, and many false prophets will appear and deceive many people. Because of the increase of wickedness, the love of most will grow cold, but he who stands firm to the end will be saved. And this gospel of the kingdom will be preached in the whole world as a testimony to all nations, and then the end will come” (Matthew 24:10-14 NIV).

The nation shakes their fists at the Savior I love and want nothing to do with Him. I heard a sermon recently that reminded me why unbelievers hate God. It comes down to authority and accountability. If you are a Christian, you know Who your authority is and Who you serve, God Almighty. We know we are held accountable for our actions, good or bad. Unbelievers are too, and it will all come to a head on Judgment Day.

The sermon was from Luke 5:17-26, when Jesus healed a man who was paralyzed. Jesus was teaching in a crowded house, and the Pharisees were there. When friends of the paralyzed man lowered him into the house from the roof right in front of Jesus the Bible says He saw their faith and said, “Friend, your sins are forgiven” (Luke 5:20 NIV). Of course this did not sit well with the Pharisees and they began thinking to themselves of his blasphemy, knowing that only God alone can forgive sins. Two things here (maybe three): The Pharisees were correct in believing that only God can forgive our sins. Also, Jesus was stirring up the waters by claiming He could forgive sins. He essentially was declaring right there that He had authority and that He was the Son of God. If Jesus were just a mere man, this would have been crazy talk. The other thing is this- Jesus knew their thoughts. He knew what was in their hard hearts and confronted them on it. The Son of God says, “Which is easier: to say, ‘Your sins are forgiven,’ or to say, ‘Get up and walk’? But that you may know that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins…” [He said to the paralyzed man,] “I tell you, get up, take your mat and go home” [Immediately he stood up in front of them, took what he had been lying on and went home praising God]” (Luke 5:23-25 NIV; italics mine).

If Jesus has the authority to absolve my sin, then I have to acknowledge that I have sin to start with, and that I must answer to Him. Those who rebel against God would rather wallow in what they want and to control their own lives and answer to no one. They think this satisfies, and it might for a season. But only God alone can be our ultimate Satisfaction. Unbelievers keep seeking to fulfill the flesh without long- term success. Ultimately, this will kill because “the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Romans 6:23 NIV).

To the unbeliever, how long will you run from the Eternal God? Will you forever rebel in your sins? God can handle your mess and redeem it. He can take your brokenness and restore it with everlasting joy. I promise. I can say these things with full confidence because it is what He has done for me. The Lord Himself promises what He will do in His Word.

We need the Lord desperately in these last days. To the Christian, this is a call to persevere and stand firm in the faith. Believers are the heirs of salvation, friends of God, sheep of His pasture, slaves to righteousness, warriors of faith. Know what God’s Word says and hold your ground. Cling to Him. Pray. Fast. Read the Scriptures and see the work of God displayed on every page. Pray for those who colorfully parade their sin. Sincerely plead with God to save their souls before it is too late. Nothing is too hard for God. Even this legalized decision to uphold immorality is not beyond God’s control. Let our prayers rise as sweet-smelling incense before His throne. He sees. He hears. He knows.

“Has a nation ever changed its gods? (Yet they are not gods at all.) But my people have exchanged my Glory for worthless idols. Be appalled at this, O heavens, and shudder with great horror,” declares the Lord. My people have committed two sins: They have forsaken me, the spring of living water, and have dug their own cisterns, broken cisterns that cannot hold water […] Consider then and realize how evil and bitter it is for you when you forsake the Lord your God and have no awe of me,” declares the Lord, the Lord Almighty” (Jeremiah 2:11-13; 19).

Grace upon grace,

April

 

 

 

moments of grace

/ RedeemedInGrace / 1 Comment

545803353There are times in my life when I have seen the Hand of the Lord specifically on me. I can look back and remember how He kept me safe. It is important for believers to take time to reflect on God’s grace in their lives. It is good when you recognize God at work, because those moments will encourage your faith. It has given me a grateful heart to know I have personally experienced the Lord’s mercy and grace.

I gave my life to Jesus when I was 7, but for most of my years I did not take my faith as seriously as I should have. In my teens especially I was rebellious and insecure. Looking back on the time I wasted, I also see how God protected me from going down a destructive path. I was like a sheep wandering away from the fold and the Good Shepherd drew me back to Himself. What mercy! What grace!

Fast-forward a few years later to when I was pregnant with Jesse. I can’t remember how many weeks along I was, like 8 or 10, when the doctor told me two things. First, the placenta had torn and I was ordered to not lift anything over 5 pounds for a few weeks to allow this to hopefully repair on it’s own. The second piece of news was that I had an ovarian cyst, 8cm to be exact. By the time I had my son the cyst increased to 10cm. The nurses were dumbfounded that I never had any pain. In fact, I did not feel it at all, but there it was on the ultrasound each and every time in all its glory. That was a moment of God’s grace. A lot of women experience pain with an ovarian cyst that is only 2cm in size. I am so thankful He allowed the cyst to remain painless, so I could enjoy my pregnancy at least through the 2nd trimester. The placenta also healed and did not harm Jesse or me.

After I delivered him he stayed in the NICU for 2 weeks. That was mid-April in 2011. On April 27, 2011 tornadoes ripped through the South. I just so happened to be visiting Jesse at the hospital that day. When the storms turned into tornado threats the hospital executed a specific code to remain on lock down. This meant that no one was allowed to leave the building until further notice. NICU nurses frantically pushed teeny tiny little babies in their carts with all of their wires attached, to the center of the unit. They tried to keep everyone away from the windows. In the middle of the commotion with lights flickering on and off, alarms wailing in the hospital, and tornado sirens, I managed to find the head nurse. I asked her if I could please just hold my baby for his safety. She quickly agreed and then kept marching forward focusing on her job of protecting the precious little ones.

I remember thanking God that I was with Jesse, holding him through his first tornado. I also prayed for the parents who were not with their babies at that moment and the sheer panic they must have felt. I also thought about the nurses, who were not allowed to leave, possibly worrying about children at home, spouses, or parents. It was chaos.

I had to leave Jesse later that night after the weather calmed down, driving though a city and to a home all without power. But God was with me the whole time. Even when I held Jesse in the middle of the NICU I had a sense of calm. I kept praying as everyone waited in uncertainty of the tornado’s path, and had an unexplainable peace. This was God’s grace. I am usually a worrier and control freak, so to be so serene was quite a different approach.

The next day Jesse had his MRI. The hospital ran on generators, as the rest of the city remained shut down. The cysts on his brain were no longer there and he was released from the hospital. (See the full story about his cysts in The Healer). Finally. The only problem was that being a new mom, I had to take my newborn baby fresh out of the NICU to a house without power.

By God’s grace He sent us help through my mother-in-law, Charolette. She was in town visiting us and received word that her area had power. My mother-in-law lives over 2 hours from Huntsville and we had less than half a tank of gas. Lesson learned: Never leave your tank under the half mark in case of a tornado and you have to run for the hills! We made it to her house on gas fumes, again thanking God for His protection and indescribable grace in keeping us safe. My husband’s parents allowed us to stay with them for 5 days until the power was restored in our city. I don’t know if I ever told Charolette, but I am so grateful for her help and service to us during that time. I was an emotional wreck, and needed help with taking care of a new baby. She was there for me, an instrument of God’s grace.

What are some of the moments in your life that you distinctly remember the Lord’s provision or protection? His grace is all over us, we just need to take time to notice and then thank Him. The very fact that you and I are even breathing right now is by God’s grace. Every day you wake up and every night when you go to bed is a testimony of His grace on your life. He keeps you. He upholds you in the middle of a storm. He loves you with an everlasting love. Never forget that. For the unbeliever there is common grace, yet for the child of God His gifts are so much deeper and richer! It is like an unbeliever receives just a taste of God’s goodness, but for His sheep the dam breaks wide open. I’d love to hear how the Lord has specifically worked in your life. Look for His Presence.

Grace upon grace,

April

Ordinary but Extraordinary

/ RedeemedInGrace / 3 Comments

553241169I love summer. I didn’t always love it though. Here in the South, Alabama heat can get down right unbearable. I have always been a fair weather kind of girl, enjoying spring and fall best, but this summer is different. Jesse finished his first full year of school, so now I’m cherishing these moments at home more. The house is a little messier, but there are more afternoons to cuddle. I’m exhausted by the end of the day, but my heart is full of happy and funny moments.

These “lazy, hazy, crazy days of summer” can sometimes be way too long, but then I remember that the years are even shorter. In our house a typical summer day consists of something fun to do in the mornings, sleepy afternoons, and evenings either playing outside after the day finally cools down, or Jason and Jesse rough housing in the living room. I smile to myself, hearing their laughter as I put dinner away and wash the dishes in the kitchen. I lean over the counter responding to Jesse’s “Mom!” which means, “Look at me!” Jason has Jesse “flying” and I have to watch every single time. I don’t get tired of it. I actually want time to slow down and enjoy my two blessings as much as possible.

Our family has already gone to the beach this year, which was glorious. It was a needed break from everything. Most days around here since we have been home from the beach are wonderful, but also very ordinary. What I mean is, washing the dishes, laundry, diaper changing, cooking dinners, and making the bed day after day seems very monotonous and mundane. A week or two out of the year is a beach vacation, but most of life is not. Daily living is wiping runny noses, going to the grocery store, nap time, saying ‘no’ to cookies for breakfast, and cleaning the toilet. It is not glamorous, but it can be holy. It is holy work if the attitude of your heart reflects a willing servant like Jesus.

Jesus washed his disciples’ dirty, stinky feet, one of the lowliest jobs in His day. He did this right before He gave His life for them and us. Jesus’ act of feet washing was holy. It was worship. It was something that needed to be done and was performed each time a guest entered a home. It was ordinary. So what made His action any different? Jesus displayed humility, the life of the ultimate servant while on earth by putting others before Himself. He fed. He healed. He taught. He saved.

Philippians 2:5-11 showcases Christ’s humility and how we are to live accordingly. Philippians 2:5 simply states, “Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus” (NIV). I just love it. This is a high calling. The work we do each day can be used to worship the Lord. It is ordinary living with an extraordinary purpose. Sometimes I think, “I’m just a homemaker, a stay-at-home mom.” The world loves to tell us that this kind of job is throwing your life away. But God shows me the beauty and purpose of it all. My kingdom work for right now is raising a little one to know and love Jesus. Mothers in particular can have great influence on the spiritual lives of their children. Paul commends Timothy’s grandmother and mother, Lois and Eunice, for their faith, which they taught Timothy (2 Timothy 1:5). Susanna Wesley is known as the Mother of Methodism, because of the example she set for her children, in particular John and Charles Wesley who founded the Methodist church. It is said of Susanna that “…although she never preached a sermon or published a book or founded a church, (she) is known as the Mother of Methodism. Why? Because two of her sons, John Wesley and Charles Wesley, as children consciously or unconsciously will, applied the example and teachings and circumstances of their home life” (Susan Pellowe, Susanna Wesley Biography).

Most of us will never be “the next big thing” with our name in lights over Broadway, or a recognizable face as an athlete or on the silver screen. It is not about us anyway. If we stop pursuing a self-important mindset and embrace our common calling, I think we will be a lot more content. God has purposed you to live in the 21st century, in whatever town you call home, at whatever job you are employed in. An engineer, teacher, janitor, CEO, barista, homemaker, pastor, and doctor can all be used for God’s glory doing His work to bless His Kingdom. Paul alludes to this in speaking to the Athenians:

“From one man he made every nation of men, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live. God did this so that men would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from each one of us” (Acts 17:26-27).

Michael Horton wrote a book called ‘Ordinary’ which after I listened to it via Audible, I wanted to shout in agreement, ‘Yes!’ He argues that sometimes in the Church there is the notion that missionaries who dedicate their lives to serve in Africa are the Christian elite. Their work is definitely more visible than me making scrambled eggs this morning for my son. But what if the heart of the missionary is not humble, and there is some measure of self-glorification rather than glorifying our King? I say this hypothetically, and hopefully this is not the case at all. Most people will not see the work you or I do in the name of Jesus, and that is okay. God sees you. He knows your heart.

In the body of believers we all have different gifts and functions, so if the Lord calls you to serve in a remote 3rd world country, praise God! If He calls you to stay in the States that is wonderful too and by no means less significant. Your mission field is right where He has placed you. It is among your neighbors, co-workers, friends and family. 1 Corinthians 12:4-31 shows us that workers are needed everywhere with varying abilities, even if to the world, or perhaps yourself, your work seems pointless and mundane, it does not have to be. Horton writes, “Even our common callings in the world are not really our own, but they are God’s work of supplying others- including ourselves- with what the whole society needs. There is a lot of work to be done, but it is his work that he is doing through us in daily and mostly ordinary ways” (Ordinary).

I live a simple, fairly quiet, ordinary life, but it is not a wasted life. I desire to live it out everyday pursuing Christ as He pursues me, and allow the Spirit to be the overflow of my heart in words, thoughts, and actions. In the heart of Huntsville, I want to be Jesus’ hands and feet, washing the stinky feet. This is ordinary work with an extraordinary purpose.

Grace upon grace,

April

Imperfectly Perfect

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“If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” (1 John 1:9 NIV)

 

Sometimes I am challenged in my faith, whether it is something I put on myself or subliminal messages from the Christian pop culture I don’t know, but it is to “do more” and “be more”. I hear in these words a works based salvation and that I have to be “good enough” in order to be saved. I believe this is why so many in the church are disillusioned and feel condemned from the start. They wonder if their salvation is true or a lie. I think more people wrestle with this than we realize. We definitely would not say we believe in saving ourselves, but what do our actions say? Are we on every committee that is offered at church, constantly there whenever the doors are open, and a superhero in our community services or projects? I am not saying any of these things are bad, but the motive behind it is the issue. Do we do these things in order to establish our own righteousness, for the praise of man, or do we really serve others because of our love for Jesus?

I’ve struggled with this lately, questioning my love for Jesus. My flesh doubts, but the Spirit within me defends my fragile heart. I know I love Him however imperfect it may be. I wish I could love Him perfectly as He does me, but that will not happen until I am safely in the Savior’s arms in Heaven. All things are perfected in Heaven. This is a promise I hold on to and long for.

I think in those moments where we doubt our faith or wrestle with confusion about the means of salvation, we miss the simplicity of the Gospel. Just look to Scripture for answers. Romans 10:9-11 says, “that if you confess with your mouth, ‘Jesus is Lord’, and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved. As the Scripture says, ‘Anyone who trusts in Him will never be put to shame’.” The rest of Romans 10 is worth reading (actually all of Romans), because the remainder of the chapter talks about how a saint carries out their faith – by telling others about Jesus. If we love someone or something we cannot wait to share it with others. So it is with our love for Jesus, “for out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks” (Matthew 12:34 NIV).

The change that has taken place in us through faith will now come out of us in our words, thoughts, and actions. “Do not merely listen to the Word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says” (James 1:22 NIV). Salvation involves God placing a burning desire within our hearts to know Him. He has chosen you and loved you before you even knew Him (1 John 4:19; John 15:16). We respond with a repentant heart, recognizing our sin and deadness apart from Christ (Ephesians 2:1). We confess with our mouths (1 John 1:9). We trust that what God says is true and that He has never lied to us (John 17:17). True believers pursue holiness and desire to love Christ more today than they did yesterday. His children love His Word and want to walk in obedience (Psalm 119:97-104). The saints will persevere to the very end and finish well (Hebrews 12:1-2).

So faith and works work together, but our deeds do not precede faith thereby saving us. Jesus did the saving work for us on the cross. He is the only One who has ever lived a perfect life, so only He could be the perfect sacrifice. Jesus did this, for us, His Beloved. Christians are identified by how they live. This is what makes our faith come alive, “for a tree is recognized by its fruit” (Matthew 12:33 NIV). We walk with Jesus everyday, obeying His commands not out of mere duty, but because we love Him (1 John 2:3-6).

The entire Bible points to Christ and His redemptive work. Scripture is one great love letter to God’s chosen people and meant to glorify His Name. God’s love for us is perfect. He set His love upon us, an imperfect Church, to call His own. I cannot yet love Him the way He lavishes His love on me, but I can still be confident that I am His:

“And this is how we know that He lives in us: We know it by the Spirit He gave us […] This is how you recognize the Spirit of God: Every spirit that acknowledges that Jesus Christ has come in the flesh is from God, […] You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world” (1 John 3:24; 4:2,4).

I wish I could write all of 1 John on here to make my point, but hopefully it is clear. When God’s love is manifested in the heart of a believer we are able to love Him above all things and love others more than ourselves (Matthew 22:37-39). We cannot work hard enough or ever be good enough to cleanse us from all of our unrighteousness apart from Christ. The Bible says “there is no one who does good, not even one” (Psalm 14:3 NIV). The good news is that believers can have true rest over the doubt of their salvation with these words from Romans 11:5-6: “So too, at the present time there is a remnant chosen by grace. And if by grace, then it is no longer by works; if it were, grace would no longer be grace.” However, if you read this and realize you do not know Jesus as your Savior, can I encourage you to come to Him today? Do not put it off. Feel free to leave a comment so I can pray for you and encourage you.

This is part of a prayer taken from The Valley of Vision called ‘The Spirit’s Work’:

“Take of the things of Christ and show them

to my soul;

Through thee may I daily learn more of his love,

grace, compassion, faithfulness, beauty;

Lead me to the cross and show me his wounds,

the hateful nature of evil, the power of Satan;

May I there see my sins as

the nails that transfixed him,

the cords that bound him,

the thorns that tore him,

the sword that pierced him.

Help me to find in his death the reality

and immensity of his love.

Open for me the wondrous volumes of truth

in his, ‘It is finished’.

Grace upon grace,

April

The Healer

/ RedeemedInGrace / 1 Comment

images

I was 28 weeks pregnant with my son when my OBGYN stared at the ultrasound monitor, looking serious and concerned. She noticed Jesse had cysts and enlarged ventricles in his brain. My doctor referred us to a high risk maternal/fetal specialist in Birmingham, who told us that this problem might be related to the heart. He explained to me and my husband that the chambers of Jesse’s heart were enlarged, specifically the right ventricle, because of the increased pressure in the brain. He said it might be because the valve isn’t opening like it should thus preventing good blood flow to the lungs. The doctor also told us there might be a hole in the atrial septum known as Atrial Septum Defect (ASD), which causes the oxygen rich blood to mix with the used blood from the right to left ventricles. The prognosis was grim. My head was spinning as the doctor’s words sunk in. Jason and I felt helpless and numb.

I remember one evening in particular during this time we were hosting a small group Bible study and I had to leave the room to try and compose myself. As I stood in Jesse’s prepared nursery and looked around wondering if he would even get to see it, I broke down and wept.

Sometimes God uses hard situations to draw us closer to Him and this was definitely one of those times. During the next few weeks I poured over Scripture that would help remind me not to fear or worry. I prayed, Jason and I prayed together, our families prayed and our church family prayed over us. It was a bittersweet time, going through the unknown but feeling the comforting presence of the Father in the form of believers who loved us.

Every week until my son was born I went to the maternal/fetal specialist for an ultrasound so we could monitor any changes in his condition. Jason and I believed God could work miracles, and we continued trusting Him throughout the whole process.

At 32 weeks we went to see a pediatric cardiologist in town and he gave us news we were not expecting to hear. This very matter-of-fact doctor looked at Jesse’s heart in utero and point blank said, “I don’t think there is anything wrong with his heart. There doesn’t seem to be a problem.” I wish at that moment I could have captured what mine and Jason’s faces must have looked like when the cardiologist told us that. Dumbfounded, mouths open, me mentally responding with, “Say what now?” We walked out of his office certainly confused, but praising God that Jesse just might be okay.

So throughout the rest of the pregnancy we had two conflicting opinions from doctors. But when the pediatric cardiologist checked Jesse again the day he was born, and then 4 months later, he confirmed for us that his heart looked just fine.

The other medical concern were the two cysts on his brain. After staying in the NICU for 2 weeks, Jesse had an MRI. The day I picked him up I asked the nurse what the results were. She looked at me and said, “Oh they couldn’t find any cysts. Everything looked good.” I distinctly remember God’s overwhelming grace in that moment and I wanted to cry and shout with joy at the same time. God did not have to heal my son, but I believe He did so that He would get the glory.

One of my favorite names of the Lord is ‘Jehovah Rapha’, which means, “the Lord who heals”. Think about the many times Jesus performed miracles of physical healing: “When Jesus landed and saw a large crowd, He had compassion on them and healed their sick” (Matthew 14:14 NIV). Jesus healed the blind, the lame, deaf, mute, demon-possessed, even raising the dead! While the Son performed all these miracles to showcase God’s glory, the most important healing He did was on the inside – our hearts. That is what He came for. Jesus could heal someone from a physical ailment but if their hearts weren’t healed from sin, they would still go to hell. Jesus is the Healer of our souls, and any physical healing that He does is an added demonstration of profound grace.

We are all born with a “defect” in our heart, our sin nature, so this is what Jesus did for us: “He Himself bore our sins in His body, on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by His wounds you have been healed” (1 Peter 2:24 NIV). My prayer is that one day Jesse’s heart will truly be healed by the only One who can “perform the operation”, the Savior, Jesus Christ.

“Grant me to hear Thy voice assuring me:

that by Thy stripes I am healed,

that Thou wast bruised for my iniquities,

that Thou hast been made sin for me

that I might be righteous in Thee,

that my grievous sins, my manifold sins,

are all forgiven,

buried in the ocean of Thy concealing blood.

I am guilty, but pardoned,

lost, but saved,

wandering, but found

sinning, but cleansed,

Give me perpetual broken-heartedness,

Keep me always clinging to Thy cross,

Flood me every moment with descending grace,

Open to me the springs of diving knowledge,

sparkling like crystal,

flowing clear and unsullied

through my wilderness of life.”

-Valley of Vision

Grace upon grace,

April

pieces of my life

/ RedeemedInGrace / 1 Comment

cropped-1657220352.jpgEveryone has a story. We all have many stories and chapters in our lives that make up one beautiful mosaic. Mosaics are fragmented, broken pieces of glass or tile which by itself doesn’t seem like anything much. Even during the process of laying piece by piece you still may be confused as to what this incomplete picture is supposed to look like. But the creator of the artwork already knows. That person has sketched drawings or captured in his imagination what he wants the end result to be.

God is like a Master Artist shaping our lives, knowing the final outcome as each story is laid into the puzzle. The magnificent part is that every single mosaic is different, uniquely created. You can’t replicate the exact same piece of broken glass. Thats why everyone has an interesting story, formed with purpose. My life is broken, just like all the shiny pieces of glass. But put it together and it is glorious. God is writing your story even now. The more you trust in Him, the more precious those individual pieces become, to make something that will take your breath away.

We can’t see past the end of our noses. I have no idea what will happen in 5 minutes, 5 hours, or 5 years! But the Father knows our messy past, our broken present, and our hope-filled future. That gives me great comfort. The Lord knows me from beginning to end, and if I really believe His promises, that He loves me, does things for my good, and delights in this being He created, how can I not trust in an Awesome God like that?! If I am His, then He is for me and not against me. Oh, I am so thankful for His truth that I can hold on to.

I plan to share part of my stories with you on here, showing just how faithful God has been in the hard times and the good ones. He has been present through medical concerns with my son during pregnancy, his birth, safety in storms (literally), my son’s special needs, and secondary infertility. The past 5 years especially have been markers of God’s overflowing grace. But really, He’s always been there, I just have to remind myself to see Him in everything. He is so Good, and Sovereign, and Faithful even when we are faithless for He cannot disown Himself (2 Timothy 2:13). I hope you also see God’s grace in your life. Whether its through the gift of a newborn, protecting you from going down a destructive path, or healing from a serious illness. It can even be as simple as God reminding you of His love through a worship song that comes on in the car, a random gift or card from a friend, or the dove cooing in the backyard.

Those fragmented pieces of your life have God’s grace written all over them. You just have to see it. It is also creating one beautiful story that you will look back on one day with the Lord and say, “Oh, so thats what You were doing. I see it now.”

This is part of a song called ‘Sovereign’ by Chris Tomlin and always directs my thoughts back to who I place my trust in, because God truly is Sovereign:

“Sovereign in the mountain air; Sovereign on the ocean floor; With me in the calm; With me in the storm;

Sovereign in my greatest joy; Sovereign in my deepest cry; With me in the dark; With me in the dawn;

In Your everlasting arms; All the pieces of my life; From beginning to the end; I can trust You;

In Your never failing love; You work everything for good; God whatever comes my way; I will trust You.”

Grace upon grace,

April

Grace upon grace

/ RedeemedInGrace / 3 Comments

cropped-dreamstimefree_1812841.jpgWe live in a graceless world. That’s why I chose to start this blog. Hopefully here you can find some grace. We need more of it every. single. day. Grace is a beautiful thing; its multi-faceted. I chose ‘grace’ as my word for 2015 to think about and meditate upon. As I’ve been mulling it over in my brain, I see at least 3 aspects of grace.

The first is God’s precious grace to us. It truly is amazing, because I definitely don’t deserve it. His salvation to us is the most incredible grace given. It is sacred. Faith and grace are intermingled in God’s redeeming work toward us. “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith-and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God- not by works, so that no one can boast” (Ephesians 2:8-9 NIV). His grace also keeps me going each day because you know what? I’m going to mess up! Sin is a part of the human condition, even for a believer. We are still bound to the flesh, but not for forever, praise God! Paul lamented over the strife of the two natures when he said, “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do” (Romans 7:15 NIV). We do have now the presence of the Holy Spirit, who helps us in our weakness, which is a part of God’s grace to us.

Another form of grace would be showing ourselves grace. I don’t know about you, but I am quick to beat myself up with harsh words and critical thoughts. That is not how God wants His children to live! If I am walking in truth, I won’t be so likely to condemn myself. I can use Scripture to defeat my inner critic. The Bible says, “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” (Romans 8:1 NIV). I am definitely flawed and sinful. I may get impatient with my son (and yell), easily irritated with my husband, or just drop the ball somewhere in the course of a day. But I am covered in Christ’s righteousness, so even when I do fail I can come before His throne of grace, asking for forgiveness. Sweet grace.

The last aspect that I think is very important, is showing grace to others. Have you ever said or done something you wish you could take back? I say something stupid or thoughtless about once a day (okay maybe more than that). In that moment, I am needing grace. I am hoping the other person will forgive what was said or done, and extend grace to this poor sinner. I think when we show grace to others (because remember, it is something that we don’t deserve), it’s a powerful demonstration of Christ at work in us. It is a beautiful picture of how the Church is to act and be like Jesus. And isn’t that our goal anyway? To be more like Him?

The Valley of Vision has a prayer in it that is completely perfect for what I want grace in my life to look like. Here’s a part of it:

“Every new duty calls for more grace than I now possess, but not more than is found in Thee, the divine Treasury in whom all fullness dwells. To Thee I repair for grace upon grace, until every void made by sin be replenished and I am filled with all Thy fullness”.

Grace upon grace,

April