relationships

Loving others

/ RedeemedInGrace / 2 Comments

“Every man has his secret sorrows which the world knows not; and often times we call a man cold when he is only sad.” -Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

“Like one who takes away a garment on a cold day, or like vinegar poured on soda, is one who sings songs to a heavy heart.” -Proverbs 25:20

I’ve been thinking about this quote from Henry Wadsworth Longfellow. He was a famous American poet, the most popular in his day and still considered one of the greats. But his life was filled with tragedy. His first wife died after a few short years through a miscarriage. Longfellow’s second wife died from burns she received when her dress caught fire. He was unable to write for a time after her death, devastated from the loss.

Most of us have no idea the struggles another is facing. Maybe our lives are so busy that we hardly stop to notice others and get to know the people around us. The sin of assumption is easier than the work of emotionally navigating relationships. It can be awkward, requiring a lot of patience and persistence. The grumpy cashier, an overbearing boss, a distant family member or a chronically depressed friend- compassion over condemnation is the desire of every hurting heart. How would I want to be treated when I’m a mess? How would Jesus respond? Some exteriors are harder than others because of past wounds perhaps. Jaded, those walls go up out of self preservation. It isn’t the Biblical solution, but easier to understand broken people (which we all are), once we realize this mode of survival.

In reading the Gospels I have noticed how incredibly patient Jesus is with the disciples. He doesn’t write them off when they don’t understand a parable, lack faith, or sin. The Lord Jesus is also compassionate toward the needy crowds. They wanted His time, His teaching, His miracles- it was never enough. Jesus’ heart went out to them because He saw they were like sheep without a shepherd. The Lord rebuked the religious leaders because He knew their thoughts and hardened hearts, yet even in this He restrained His hand. Jesus chose not to annihilate them on the spot, but dispensed mercy instead.

The Gospels highlight how complicated we are in our emotions, experiences and limited understanding. But the need is very simple. Every person longs to be seen, loved, accepted and understood. The only one to perfectly fill this demanding task is Christ Jesus. Once we belong to Him, He tells us to go be like Him to the hurting world. One way we can do this is to think the best of others instead of assuming their thoughts and motives for the worse. A gracious spirit can circumvent a whole hosts of relational difficulties. Even if a person is hard hearted, we know no one is beyond the Great Physician’s reach, not while they still have breath. This is the Age of Grace, which Christ commands us to imitate. Pray for those who reject you, who are unkind, or you sense need more encouragement.

God tells us not only to love those who are happy and easy to get along with, but the chronically downcast, the rude, the ones who annoy, revile, gossip, snub or persecute you. Jesus told Peter to forgive again and again (Matthew 18:21-22). It pleases the Lord when we notice the overlooked and love them with a smile or kind word. God desires for us to be merciful and forgiving rather than act like a Pharisee in outward worship. Patient and prayerful. Even if the one with a heavy heart or vindictive spirit never changes, the Lord is changing you by how you respond. Grace overlooks the thoughtless comment and learns not to take everything personally. More often than not there is something else troubling them that has nothing to do with you.

Jesus loved without condition. He saw people as they longed to be truly seen, like they actually mattered. This is the Christian’s template. It is only through the Spirit’s power we can supernaturally act against our human response to avoid and back away. So we learn to pray for His power to work through us, displaying the love of Christ to a hurting loved one, friend, or acquaintance. Our sphere of influence is the broken world Jesus commands His people to love.

Grace upon grace,

April

Growing deeper: 1 Thessalonians 5:14-15; Luke 6:27-38

Need to Belong

/ RedeemedInGrace / 1 Comment

The other day The Andy Griffith Show came on T.V. as I was eating lunch. I grew up watching this family show on recorded VHS tapes in the early 90’s. My dad is a huge fan and by default, my sister and I were also. It’s something I look back on with fond memories, watching television together as a family, not worried about anything offensive or awkward popping up.

This particular one was the only Christmas episode in the entire eight-year series, and is one of my favorites. But something occurred to me this time while watching. The character Ben Weaver is a local storeowner in Mayberry, and also a grouch. He keeps purposely breaking the law to land himself in jail. Sheriff Andy Taylor lets him go because “it’s Christmas” and his Season One pharmacist girlfriend Ellie, begs him to do so.

Andy, his family, Ellie, and a local family in jail for moonshining celebrate Christmas together at the jailhouse. The scene then pans to Ben, miserable and alone, standing on a trashcan outside the jail looking in at the joyful party. At that moment, the audience can’t help but feel sorry for him as he secretly joins with the others, sorrowfully singing “Away in a Manger”. We get a glimpse that his tough exterior isn’t all that it appears to be. Ben is in fact, lonely. He’s especially reminded of this at Christmastime.

Ben takes a tumble on the not so sturdy trashcan in the alley behind the jailhouse. When Andy goes to check on the commotion he finds Ben sprawled out, hitting rock bottom. Exasperated and dumbfounded, Andy at first begins to lecture Ben until it occurs to him that he would do this on purpose. Could the town grouch really want to join in celebrating Christmas with others? Andy is filled with compassion and the episode ends with Ben “arrested” but not before he generously hands out presents to the other guests at the party. Like the audience, Andy finally understands what Ben wanted all along- to belong.

lightstock_355878_download_medium_april_box_

The universal message of needing to belong is what struck me. We all have a desire to be understood and accepted. God did not create us to live on our own tiny islands, but as a community, a family even. Every created person has a soul, and if nothing else we all have this in common. God enjoys fellowship within the Trinity, so why wouldn’t He fashion us to crave connection too?

Similar backgrounds, experiences, and interests are ways we connect to each other, but the one way that goes deeper than all the rest is a shared love and faith in Jesus. The Spirit knits are hearts together. I love getting to talk with another believer about the One we love most. It’s refreshing and encouraging knowing that I’m not alone. You don’t have to be alone either. Those who know the Lord as Savior belong in the same family. No matter what we look like on the outside or to the rest of the world- black or white, single mom or married, varying economic statuses- none of it matters when we are folded into the family of God.

lightstock_29810_download_medium_april_box_lightstock_378677_download_medium_april_box_

We are not on the outside looking in; we are guests at the Christmas party! And when we see someone like the character Ben, on the outside longing to join, we can share the joy and hope we have with him or her. Jesus came as a baby so that you and I would never have to be alone. Jesus accepted us even after looking at our resume. Believers have the assurance of belonging – we get to celebrate Christmas all year round. We belong to a family that will never cast us out and will never end.

Grace upon grace,

April

Truth telling for Moms

/ RedeemedInGrace / 2 Comments

I’m a mom who daily lives under a rock of guilt and failure.

I haven’t given my six-year-old siblings to play with.

 I haven’t worked hard enough (or at all) today on his developmental skills.

 He’s spending too much time in front of electronics.

 I could do this all day.

 

I don’t know if it’s because Jesse has Autism and is an only child that I put this added pressure on myself, or if all moms do this. I suspect we each have our areas we struggle in, the lies we tell ourselves. When I stop the merry-go-round of all the ways I’m failing as a mom, God is gracious to help me fight with truth.

IMG_5607IMG_5593img_7346

The truth is, my son operates differently than other kids and so his activities and interests will look different as well. The truth is, I’m doing a great job as his mom, but I’m not perfect either. God knows this. The Lord didn’t wait until I had my act together before He gave me a son. It is in the process of raising him that I am sanctified!

The truth is, I am already “enough” as a mom, wife, friend and woman because Christ is enough and He lives in me. Condemnation has no place here. When I remember this, I breathe easier again, my shoulders begin to relax and I get to enjoy my son instead of focusing on all the ways I don’t measure up.

IMG_5726

 

If I stay hunkered down in guilt, I can’t clearly see the amazing blessings right in front of me. God holds out this wonderful gift and I reject not only the gifts of freedom and joy, but God Himself when I’m wrapped up in my own shortcomings.

Mom life is hard, but the truth is He gave you and me specific children, with distinct personalities and skills, to love, nourish, and raise for His glory. We get to teach them about the Lord who is our life.

             Our kids are gifts to enjoy, little lessons to learn from, means of sanctification. Preach this truth to yourself today when you feel like waving the white flag. God gives us the privilege and responsibility to care for the least of these, right in our own tribe.

It first starts with us loving Him as our ultimate treasure. That’s the place where we parent well and do anything well. Our relationship and growing love for the Lord will overflow on whatever else we put our hands to do today. We learn that even when we mess up or they do, there is grace and forgiveness extended vertically and horizontally. We start to live the message of the cross and that is the truth we need to tell ourselves everyday.

 

Grace upon grace,

April

 

 

the thief of joy

/ RedeemedInGrace / Leave a comment

139015530

“Comparison is the thief of joy” -Theodore Roosevelt 

A couple of years ago I signed up for a casual one-time painting class where I was going to have a masterpiece by the time it was over. That was the sales pitch anyway. Three hours later, as other women snapped pictures of themselves with their artwork, giddy and content from unleashing their inner Van Gogh, I thought mine looked more like an abstract Picasso picture. Clearly a three-year-old year could have painted mine. I just didn’t like how it turned out. The hilarious part was I kept attending these painting classes over and over again determined to find my creative side. I can only compare it to hitting one’s head against a brick wall, expecting a different result other than getting a huge goose egg and a deficit in my bank account.

This is supposed to be relaxing, I thought. Instead my perfectionist side breaks out and I get tense. I partly blame being left-handed. Every time I tried to paint my hand would drag through the fresh strokes leaving smudges, with a side of frustration. My downfall came when I looked at the other paintings during the class. Some women totally ignored the instructor’s elementary-style teaching and free handed the entire thing. They would finish way ahead of the class and their paintings were something for others to “ooh” and “ahh” at. I was dumbfounded.

After six or seven attempts I finally resigned, accepting the fact that I am not very artistic. I could have probably enjoyed the painting classes regardless of my skill level. The problem arose when I began comparing my artwork to someone else’s. Looking back I see how ridiculous this was and robbed myself of a lot of fun. If only I had kept my eyes on my own paper and chilled out.

Comparison is a dangerous game. Sometimes we do it almost automatically because in our flesh there is a desire to be superior, better than, and important. If we don’t guard our thoughts, hiding ourselves in Christ, we can forget our identity and worth in Him. We cannot be at rest or secure in who God made us to be when we compete with one another. Comparing ourselves leads to envy and discontentment. A stubborn, bitter root will start to grow if not quickly uprooted. We begin to believe we have nothing to offer because someone else does it better than you. The truth is that our value is not determined by another, or even by our own standards. Jesus demonstrated our worth when He died on the cross for our sins.

It is easy to get caught up in using the measuring stick against one another. He is a better Christian than me; She is more successful because she has a career outside the home; I am a better mom because I stay at home. The list can go on and on and around in circles. What essentially happens is that we step on others going up the ladder as we to try to make ourselves little gods. We start setting value on others as more or less than us, instead of seeing each other as the work of our Creator.

But when we celebrate the gifts and abilities God gave each of us, we turn our hearts toward Him in worship. This is practicing a grateful heart with joy. Weeding out the ‘haves’ and ‘have not’s’ allows us to better connect with others if we are not comparing ourselves. How boring would it be if all of our paintings looked EXACTLY the same? If we had the same gifts we could not serve one another and function like the body of Christ.

The work of your hands or contribution in society does not judge your worth because if you are in Christ, your identity in Jesus Christ is already enough. We can bravely just be who He created us to be and live and serve with purpose. Christian, when you feel that temptation to validate yourself to another, trust that you are enough to the Lord because He is enough in you.

Grace upon grace,

April