Becoming who you already are

Do I love Him?

Do I love Jesus deeply? Is He becoming what I treasure most?

Becoming…

It is a life long transformation. On one side we are instantaneously made righteous, redeemed, adopted. On the other side the Lord is patiently working out our salvation, growing our faith and love for Christ every day.

It’s the broken hallelujah being restored living in the middle of “already and not yet”. Jesus Christ has come and died and rose. My Hope is made real the more I see, the more I love the unseen. My eyes begin to adjust to the Light as I am washed in His Word.

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We have one foot in this world and one foot in heaven. It can be hard at times to live out the resurrected life. But it is ours for the taking. We have the Holy Spirit’s power to wield into our every day lives.

How do we do this exactly? In reading through the Scriptures you start to notice themes and commands that serve as the backdrop to all of life. It goes something like this:

Take your sin seriously because we offend a Holy God. Pursue personal holiness even when trials come. Commit your way to the Lord.

We stumble. Grieve our sin, repent, seek God’s unending storehouse of mercy. We do not live as one condemned. Lean into our freedom as sons and daughters of the Most High. This is the rhythm of Christianity.

Becoming…

You already belong to God as a believer. Jesus made this possible. We live on the other side of the cross, complete with the canon of Scripture to read whenever we want. I need these reminders too. We have to preach the Gospel to ourselves not just on Sundays but every single day of the week.

This is my prayer and offering to you-

Father, 

Let Your truth fall fresh on us. Captivate our hearts and minds with Love so Divine, demanding our soul, our life, our all. Help cultivate within us deep joy and abiding faithfulness today, tomorrow, into the rest of our eternity when we will see You face to face. Our hallelujahs made fully complete.

Grace upon grace,

April

Fear and Doubt: The lies they tell us

Hi friend! I’m over at Our Shared Tales today talking about my fears. You can click here to read the full post or this excerpt below. 

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Lately, I’ve started questioning whether it’s worth throwing my two cents into the ring of social media. There are a million voices, some with the same message of truth I write about. But after a while, the faces become faceless and I wonder, does it make any difference? It begins to feel like a circus show and I’m the clown.  My hands get clammy and my breathing grows shallow. Did I take up the wrong mission of longing to reach out to others, to speak truth into their lives? Or at the very least, leave them a blessing for the day. I ask myself, is it possible to encourage people in the virtual world or is it a waste of time? I sense the familiar feeling of fear creep up again- it rises from my belly to my throat, making me a little queasy.

Read the full post here…

The beginning to eternity- (Short Reflections)

Hi there! I wanted to give you a little encouragement as you head into your weekend. Typically ‘Short Reflections’ will be just that, short 😉

Happy Friday and hallelujah for March! Spring is around the corner you guys!

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“The grace of the Lord Jesus be with God’s people. Amen.”

-Revelation 22:21 (The last verse recorded in Scripture)

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Revelation 22 is the beginning of our eternity. This is Home. It’s true that our eternity actually starts here, as we walk on earth, but the complete fulfillment of it is yet to be.

I can worship the Lord now in a broken world, knowing this isn’t forever – the hope of Jesus Christ finally fulfilling all of Scripture is what I hang my hat on. In the in-between we wait, seek and live as He has called us to.

May God’s grace go with you throughout this day and into your weekend. Because the Kingdom of God is here, among us, the Church. And you know what?

This is only the beginning to a very happy ending.

 

Grace upon grace,

April

Fit to serve

I am sitting on the couch, fingers wrapped around a cup of warmth and deliciousness, also known as coffee. It’s raining outside and thankfully there aren’t any urgent errands to run. After dropping Jesse off at school this morning, the house is still, and I take a moment to savor the quiet. As a stay-at-home mom, this is the career I’ve always wanted, but it requires me to be my own boss.

I’m responsible for how much gets done each day at home. If the laundry isn’t clean or the dishes stay piled high in the sink before dinner it’s on me.

Discipline is key. This principle applies to all of life really. Structure, routine, rhythm, whatever you call it, time management helps things run smoothly. Even structuring time for margin is important. One way I do this is intentionally taking time throughout the week to take care of myself.

“Self-care” is a word that in the past, I gave a suspicious sideways glance. It gives an impression of selfishness, curated by our culture’s post-modern vocabulary which I don’t trust as a general rule of thumb. But over the years I’ve learned it is actually very important. As a mom to a boy with autism, my days are demanding physically, mentally and emotionally. I need healthy ways to relieve the stress that internally builds up.

Imagine you’re flying in an airplane that is in distress. The emergency oxygen masks pop down and they tell you to put yours on first before helping the person beside you. That goes against every mama instinct, but the logic behind it is that if you aren’t getting any oxygen, you can’t help someone else put on their oxygen mask.

One way I’ve practiced self-care is by exercising a few days a week. I don’t make it a huge deal, just around 30 minutes is fine. But I feel better afterwards, for doing something good for my body and mental health.

After collapsing a few years ago with just my son at home it was a wake-up call to take better care of myself. I want to bless my family and friends and community by being around for as long as I can. The best way to do that is to make sure I’m able to function first.

Listening to my body and its warning signs: Am I breathing too quick and shallow? Brain fog? Short temper? Fatigued? You get the idea…It’s just about making simple changes to improve my overall health. Even if it’s just sitting for 15 minutes alone or not turning on music in the car to declutter my thoughts. Maybe you have to hide out in the bathroom to get away from the chaos of little ones for a few moments. That’s okay.

When we know that a short break will help us be a little more patient and kind to those we take care of, it’s actually a service to them too.

Our bodies are made to honor God, and He only gave us one. Moderate exercise, better food choices, even how I spend my time, are all ways to worship the Lord by demonstrating His authority over me. I don’t think it means we’re rigid with our lives, but I don’t want to abuse this gift either. I can please God by taking care of my body, which enables me to serve others well.

What is one way you take care of yourself? Or what simple change can you make to help your overall health? I’d love to know. Feel free to share in the comments below 🙂

 

Grace upon grace,

April

Missional Motherhood

This is a piece I wrote a few years ago. A gentleman in my church asked a group of mothers to contribute to his booklet on the spiritual role a mother has to her children. 

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Becoming a mom is not what I thought it would be. Before I actually had a child of my own, I was sure I already knew how I would parent. I started babysitting when I was 12 and even though the job was tiring, it didn’t demand superhuman strength either. I prided myself on my ‘Mary Poppins’ persona.

Then after Jason and I had been married for over a year, God gave us our son Jesse. This sweet boy has been the hardest and greatest adventure yet. Even the pregnancy was filled with plot twists and turns, as Jesse’s state of health became more of a question instead of a certainty. Later on we were faced with his genetic abnormality and developmental delays. Broken sleep, physical therapy, occupational therapy, speech therapy, neurology appointments, geneticist appointments, and can you please walk by your 2nd birthday little boy?

I used to think missionary service required traveling overseas to share the Gospel. However, the longer I’m a parent it is clear that right where I am is my missional work. It’s not the romanticized version I imagined. But it is just as important and humbling.

The job of every Christian mom is physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually draining. God is using motherhood as a means for my sanctification. It isn’t glamorous, but this can be eternal work when done in faith. Who is it I’m representing to my son? Christ? or myself?

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Parenting well requires dying to self daily, viewing our jobs as service to the Lord. The times I struggle are the days when I see my son’s sin nature more clearly and my own as well. That’s why Jesus gives us Himself, the Holy Spirit to help and guide when I have no clue what I’m doing, or come to the end of myself.

Our children, especially when they’re young, are our mission field. We train and make disciples right in our homes. Don’t underestimate the work you do. Can it be monotonous? Yep. But that can also be called faithfulness. Day in, day out, you’re showing up.

I don’t think I’m overstating how essential the role of parents are to our children. We raise them in faith instilling Biblical truth, a love for Christ, so that one day Lord willing, they grow up and multiply the fruit we’ve labored over for years.

A mother’s work is kingdom work.

God gives your ordinary tasks purpose.

Jesus humbled Himself to the most demeaning job in His culture, right before He went to the cross for us. During the Passover meal the Lord washed the disciples’ mud-caked, dirty, dusty feet. This job was always reserved for a Gentile slave, because not even a Jew would stoop so low. But Jesus’ act of service was a demonstration of His sacrificial love for them. You could say it foreshadowed what was to come on Calvary.

Christ was teaching His disciples that to become great one must be brought low. Even when it requires performing a mundane task or something beneath your skill level. He was implementing the upside kingdom effect.

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As we view our lives in light of His, let us remember that our humble work isn’t overlooked by Jesus. In fact, I think it pleases Him. We may not have a platform for thousands to see and applaud us, but all that really matters anyway is our audience to One.

Am I using my gifts, time, and abilities to mother well? Do I rely on His strength and not my own? Make no mistake that the eternal rewards for every faithful mother will far outweigh the lack of praise and attention here on earth. A woman who understands this knows her worth is in Christ. He goes before us, allowing us to carry out the call of missional motherhood.

Grace upon grace,

April

2019- God at work

Have you ever wondered if God’s presence and divine activity is something that happened only in the Bible? After the canon of Scripture closed, so did God. He won’t “reappear” until Second Advent when all future promises are fulfilled.

It can feel that way sometimes, especially in our current climate.

But this isn’t true.

In studying the book of Esther at church recently, I was reminded of God’s presence now, “hidden but present”. The Lord moved powerfully behind the scenes to keep His covenant promise to Abraham in Esther’s time. God protected the Jews from total annihilation even though His Name is never mentioned in this book.

The hand of God was actively engaged then as He is today. Esther’s world didn’t honor God as Lord either- The Jews were exiled in captivity, far from home, without reminders of His presence. Persia was filled with extravagance, opulence, many gods, and wicked leaders. Not much has changed today.

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It seems like God has forgotten us or doesn’t care anymore.

Yet our Father is with us even when our faith is small and the world looks bleak. Evil, sadness, weariness, even apathy, can’t win. We know God has the final victory and so I rest in that hope. But He is also here right now. The Father leaves His fingerprints in creation, wields His power in Heaven, commands the storms of nature, but gave us the unique privilege to not only work with Him, but to represent Him. God works through His people. He is working through me and you.

Just as the Lord used the actions of Mordecai, Esther, and even Haman and King Ahasureus, the God of this Universe can use our actions (even the failures) for His glory. It’s the mystery of God’s Sovereignty and man’s will weaved together.

I best understood this in reading Inconspicuous Providence. The author quotes an old Portuguese proverb that says, “God writes straight with crooked lines.” It doesn’t give us a license to sin, since God can use us no matter what, but an encouragement that though we fail God is not limited by how “holy” we are.

Our lives matter in 2019.

How we live it out day after day interests the Lord because He ordained each one. God the Father wisely placed you and me in this time in history with a purpose. It may not ever make headline news (thank goodness) but we aren’t forgotten either. Not by Him.

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Unbelievers will face judgement one day. This is a tragic horror unless the Holy Spirit intervenes and repentance happens. Our eternity far outweighs the burdens we bear now.

Jesus loves you.

YOU.

Don’t forget this one soul-saving fact.

God is at work this day using His Spirit in all believers. What a humbling and comforting truth. Just like in Esther’s story, God will not let His people be destroyed. He will not give you up to Satan’s hell.

God is the Covenant-Maker and the Promise-Keeper who works all things throughout Time for our good and His Glory. Even in 2019.

God is in our midst.

 

Grace upon grace,

April

The joys and challenges in parenting a special needs child

January has been unexpectedly hard- and cold, but well, that one is to be expected.

We’re still settling into the “new house” as my son calls it. This doesn’t seem like home yet,  so we’re all a little displaced, since we don’t belong at our old house either. But I figure this will soon wear off and be a safe haven rather than feel like a guest in our own home.

Along with that there have been particularly stressful moments recently trying to mother/referee his rollercoaster emotions. Sobbing one minute and laughing the next, mixed in with a good dose of hyperactivity and whining tantrums.

It’s taken me off guard because it isn’t his typical behavior.

Is he tired? Should I change his diet? Special vitamins? Is this a normal part of growing up?

I can guess all day and go mad trying to figure out the solution- or better yet, the problem. He isn’t able to articulate all of his big feelings, so outwardly I try to calm him down. But inwardly I internalize.

Worry.

Stress.

Until the other day when Jason and I were attending to “new house” stuff I had chest pains. Normally I would shake it off (perhaps foolishly) but since I’ve had a run in with AFib there was concern. Each breath hurt my chest.

I’m fine now, but this pain lasted a day and a half-  soreness like maybe I pulled a muscle. Ironically Jason has had the exact same chest pain for 2 years. I did rest that day, just in case, but my fears of another heart problem were put at ease realizing he experiences the same thing.

In fact, it makes sense now.

I’ve heard it said before that parenting a special needs child is on the same stress level as a combat solider. Well, I don’t know about that, but it serves up a great deal of learning challenges, misunderstandings, isolation, acceptance, self-help skills, and sleep deprivation.

This isn’t a sob story because goodness knows we have been tremendously blessed. I know that.

God has given us our son with a purpose. Some of the reasons I see so clearly and other times I do question why there are disabilities at all. It doesn’t seem fair. Looking at other cases just breaks my heart.

But here are two things I know:

One, I don’t want to ever pity another family with special needs children, but love them by being their friend. Enter their mess. Show compassion. Listen. I can’t understand the exact situation, but I can pray for them and even with them. This is what these families need.

To be heard. Seen. Validated. Loved.

Two, God gave me an amazing son who blesses others in a way I can’t fully understand. Sure he’s not perfect by any means but he loves cheerfully. My prayer has always been that the Lord will allow others to see His kindness and goodness through my son.

I believe God has honored this. 

My Father teaches me more and more and more patience when it comes to working with him. My son is the only extrovert in our family so he keeps me and Jason constantly climbing out of our comfort zones. God is inwardly refining my character, as well as showing me how to practice seeing others like my son does.

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This job is for life and I know there will be more joys and challenges with it. The joy is found by recognizing those moments as gifts and giving thanks. The challenges prompt me to pray more specifically and consistently.

Is it stressful? For sure. Is my son worth it? Always.

Knowing that God sees you even when no one else does can help you persevere. Jesus shepherds those that have young (Isaiah 40:11) and He will never leave or forsake His beloved children (Hebrews 13:5).

You and I can rest in this, then take a deep breath and trust God to lead. 

Grace upon grace,

April

The Life I Didn’t Expect

I found Meredith through Instagram, drawn to her heart in encouraging parents with special needs children. As a parent herself with a child on the Autism Spectrum, she offers her personal experience, compassion, and desire to champion for those who need an advocate. Welcoming another mama’s heart to Redeemed In Grace today.

Guest Post by: Meredith Dangel

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I never wanted to write about autism.

My little family blog, which I started when seemingly anyone with an internet connection had a blog, was meant to document our days and stay connected to our far-flung family and friends.

I never wanted to be an advocate.

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You know the one, right? The attitude-bearing, button-wearing, walking bumper sticker that people avoid. I felt allergic to that. Honestly, I’m still allergic to that.

Yet, I am, without question, an advocate. I’d like to take you to the beginning, to share with you how God prepared me for this role, this passion, and this new career. The beginning, though, is my childhood and we don’t have time for that. I’ll take you instead to a feeling that was born inside me on the day a neighbor asked me a question about then 2.5-year-old Henry.

We didn’t know her well, but she was kind, bringing us a homemade cake just before Christmas and waving from her front porch whenever we pulled into the driveway. Standing in the front yard one afternoon, I shared how we were in the process of evaluating Henry for autism, but I was pretty sure the evaluation would be conclusive that he was, in fact, autistic. As she asked me questions about what autism means, I described it as best I could with just a few months of acquired knowledge. I’ll never forget what she asked then, not unkindly but uncomfortably: “So, they can learn the proper response to others’ emotions, but they don’t actually … feel it?” She gestured toward her heart as she said this.

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I don’t know my exact response, but I remember fumbling. I tried to explain that, yes, they do feel, but my vocabulary was not yet nuanced enough to delve into the complexity of autism and the lack of empathy myth. On that day my effort to understand Henry, to support him with every resource Keith and I had to offer, blossomed into something more. I now wanted to help others understand too. I never again wanted to be stuck without words, to feel as if I had betrayed my son and those like him.

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The path I’ve taken isn’t for everyone and I would never assume it should be. God has nudged me into sharing my own story, educating others about autism, and even changing my career. To ignore Him and to hold tightly to the gifts I’ve been given would be a great shame. I often say if I don’t share my knowledge, I don’t deserve to have it.

Day by day, year by year, God has formed me into a person I didn’t know I could be. In parenting, I do seek advice and never stop learning, but I also trust my instincts. I am confident that I know my son and that a good and loving Father provides each day all that Keith and I need to parent him.

In both my private and public life, I take more risks (calculated and prayerful, of course) and worry less. Maybe that’s the exact opposite of what you’d expect from a mom of a child with a disability, but this part of my identity has made me braver than I ever imagined. For Henry and, most importantly, for God, I would do anything.

I would even wear a fundraising t-shirt. Maybe even a button.

Meredith Dangel is a writer and speaker and soon-to-be mental health therapist who longs to encourage autism parents and empower all to see inclusivity doesn’t have to be difficult – it can be beautiful.

http://www.meredithmdangel.com/

https://www.instagram.com/MeredithMDangel/

https://www.instagram.com/mamaneedsamoment/

A Christmas Gift every day

There seems no end to the rush- from Thanksgiving, to Christmas, on into New Year’s. I’ve become a bit of a Grinch this season with the avalanche of activities, filled with HIGH expectations. Christmas is the one time of year where nostalgia perfection rules. We want to “remember what it was like when we were kids” and create those kind of memories for our children too.

It’s exhausting.

Maybe because we just moved the first week in December, Christmas has felt more like a to-do list on top of the normal day to day things, and oh, did I mention we just moved?!  Let me just hibernate like the bears do and emerge come spring?

Cynical, yes.

Even though the busy pace has threatened to undo me, God is lately at work tilling my heart.

I don’t want to miss the wonder of Christ’s birth.

Heaven met earth in a stable suited for farm animals, witnessed by only Mary and Joseph, then shepherds, and later on the wise men. Christ came without excessive decorum, but as a baby, the most helpless and vulnerable a human can be.

I pray to not get lost in the frenzied swirl of distractions or my own pessimism.

Because honestly, Jesus never asked us to wrap 1,499,586 presents this season, or send Christmas cards with a picture of your family to every. single. person you’ve ever met, or attempt that cake from Joanna Gaines’ cookbook because it looks “Christmas-ey”.

All we’re asked to do is receive Him- the Greatest Gift.

It’s hard for us to be on the receiving end of things sometimes. In a self-reliant, self-made, autonomous modern Western world, we have to do something before we get, right?

God’s economy doesn’t operate that way. We don’t have to perform or earn anything. It’s not a rewards system like in kindergarten.

It’s all grace.

Does it mean we can’t be light-hearted and enjoy fun things during the season? Of course we can. We should celebrate, especially as Christians! But it does mean that we are free from having to tie one more ribbon or buy one more gift for the sake of a “perfect” Christmas.

You do not have to perform to be loved by Jesus. 

Yes, there may be pies to bake, rooms to clean, and even a few presents to wrap. But how we view Christmas is what matters in the hustle of the holidays. We can posture our hearts to worship knowing that we already belong in God’s family, no matter if the ham burns or you forgot to send a Christmas card to Aunt Martha, or that hard to buy for person hates what you got them.

Whether you’re familiar with the loud and busy of Christmas bustle or tucked away lonely, wishing you had someone to buy a present for, remember that Christ came for you too.

Jesus is the Greatest Gift we can have (and all we truly need or want) not just this Christmas, but every Christmas, and every day. One day we’ll see the Son of God who risked everything to save us from ourselves. He’s the Only One who can satisfy our cracked hearts, not things or experiences. When see Him face to face, that will be the best Christmas of all.

 

Grace upon grace,

April

Because I’m difficult too

It’s funny how we tend to think of ourselves as “normal” and everyone else as quirky characters. If we could be on the outside looking in, we might see it a little differently. The people in our lives: friends, co-workers, family (especially the people who live with us) either refine or bless us. But there is no getting around that God uses our different personalities for us to personally apply truth each day.

So I have a prayer for you and me as we head into today. Because whatever you do, I’m almost certain you’ll run into another human being which requires you to interact. If you’re like me, this can be challenging, but also a blessing. Usually when I have a perspective shift my attitude toward how I’ll view and treat others changes also. So here are words you might need to say back to the Father too.

Father, 

Today will be hard because there will be people in it.

Let me use those opportunities to be refined like Christ,

practicing self-control over my tongue and heart.

Help me to be gracious in speech, slow to anger, quick to listen, supernaturally loving the difficult or hurtful.

Protect my thoughts from comparison, envy, or self-righteous judgment.

I ask to have the freedom to show compassion and patience no matter how different the person might be.

Bring me to my knees in prayer when I think wrongly of someone else- pray for blessings toward them and not an ill will.

Grant me a humble spirit and a love for You that overflows into my everyday life. 

Let Jesus be the reflection when I look in the mirror.

You cover me in Your grace when I fail and rejoice in those small spiritual victories. 

Thank you for choosing me, loving me even when I’m difficult to love- help me do the same when I meet another face today.

Grace upon grace,

April