Confessions of a childless stay-at-home mom

lightstock_355878_download_medium_april_box_

I have floundered this first full week of school- what to do with myself, what I’m good for, that type of thing. I’m a stay-at-home mom without a child now from 8-2:30 roughly. Am I lazy? Do I have anything else to offer in society?  I start examining the world’s standards of what I’m supposed to be doing with my life and the toxic game of comparison begins.

Even stay-at-home moms with children ALL DAY find the time and/or desire to volunteer in the community, teach Sunday school, work part-time from home and attend a Bible study.

So here’s me the jellyfish just floating through life – well its how it feels anyway. What do you do when you feel like you don’t matter? Go out and get a job? Volunteer at a soup kitchen? Those are wonderful things, mind you, I just don’t feel the need to do them personally. Am I “just a mom”? Or can I be more than that? Is it enough and can I learn contentment in being at home even when I have no one to mother during the day?

My work seems small and meager.

Invisible, insignificant.

…And that’s okay.

Most of the inner workings of the world go on without any fanfare, recognition, or even so much as a “thank you”. My self-worth is not wrapped up in what I do, how many plates I can keep spinning at once, but who I am in Christ.

lightstock_329251_download_medium_april_box_

Shortly after winning their silver medals in synchronized diving, Olympic athletes David Boudia and Steele Johnson were asked by a reporter about their mindset with each dive. They admitted the pressure was intense to compete well, but that their identity is in Christ and not what they accomplish on the diving board. These young Olympians are secure in their worth because it isn’t tied to this world.

We may not be remembered in history (or win medals) for washing a pile of laundry, cooking dinner, or picking up our kids from school, but what will remain is how we reflected God’s character toward others. Whether your audience is one million or one, how you live should ultimately please the Ultimate One.

No one else has your life.

God gave it to you and the people in it to make much of Him, not yourself. There is a season and a time for everything. Thank God for the really good, the really hard, the really lonely, and the really ordinary times. As we focus on Jesus Christ, He will lead us, and our lives will culminate into worshipful living. Go to the Source of Life when you feel meaningless (or at least your work) and ask the Spirit to bless the work of your hands.

lightstock_330521_download_medium_april_box_

Because when it’s all said and done, the most important thing you can do with your life is to pursue God and live out the faith you’ve been given. So for today? Enjoy God and His good gifts, big and small. Simply trust that in our unworthiness, Christ made us worthy of our calling. You are loved by God, and He is faithful to sustain you wherever He has placed your feet.

 

Grace upon grace,

April

 

when you need to be reminded

IMG_5434

Recently I was reminded that I need to be reminded. Sometimes as a believer I forget who I am in Christ. Part of this problem is occupying my mind with what the world says, thinks and does. Worse, when I believe the lies about who I am, or rather, who I am not. The Bible talks about defending ourselves with the armor of God. So, what does that look like exactly? One active way is to memorize Bible verses.

“I have hidden Your Word in my heart that I might not sin against you.” (Psalm 119:11)

I have dipped my toe in memorizing Scripture in the past but not really pursued it. Most of the verses written on my heart are the fruits of years in Awanas growing up, an old cassette tape singing truth, and Bible class during the awkward years.

Lately there has been a gnawing in my spirit for more – more of God. The restless hunger prompted action. I find that when I commit His Word to my mind, the heart changes too. I begin to love the Bible all over again. God’s Word really is alive as it awakens parts of me I didn’t realize were dormant.

IMG_5427

Speaking Scripture aloud that flows from within is life giving. Slowly, like a bloom that just needs water, light, and time, I begin to spread out my petals little by little. Tight fists can’t receive anything. I open my hands wide and He starts the work of satisfying my soul. Day by day this process occurs. His blessing of filling is not a one-time act. No, in His extravagant love God gives us Himself every day. His mercies are fresh each moment.

So how is this done practically in a world that seeks to snuff out God altogether? Well, the Israelites used to write Scripture and bind them on their foreheads. God knows we are a forgetful bunch so He graciously tells us over and over to remember and do not forget. When we get caught up in the blessings or the trials of life our focus is shifted off of Him and onto the circumstances.

To help combat that, I have started writing out a verse each day to meditate on and try to memorize. I write the first letter of each word on my hand plus the Bible reference. It fades away throughout the day between hand washing and scrubbing pans in the sink. That’s kind of the point so hopefully at the end of the day I have memorized one verse.

Personally this way is less intimidating than remembering whole chunks of Scripture at once. I still might memorize a passage, but it is one verse at a time. As the saying goes, how do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time” (which forgive the example, because, gross). Somehow this way my goal seems realistic. I also secretly hope a stranger notices the scribbles on my hand and inquires about it. What a unique opportunity to quote Scripture!

Is there something you dream of achieving but the obstacles look insurmountable? I’d like to gently encourage you that you do not have to master it all at once. Inch by inch, day by day; chip away at it, whatever it is. You’ll soon see progress, looking back over your shoulder at what was accomplished, and the mountain you climbed without even realizing it. Failure is not starting at all.

Maybe start a journey of committing Scripture to memory too. It helps us claim our identity when we feel lost in a sea of forgetfulness. Remember who you are, whose you are. You belong to Someone. We are a free people, redeemed by grace. We don’t have to listen to what the world says or even care about what they think about us. Use the truth filter God has given us in His Word. You have a place at His table, as His daughter or son, as His beloved.

Grace upon grace,

April