rest

I remember those awkward middle school days trying to get the right clothes and have the right hair to avoid ridicule by the other 13 year-old girl judges. Then fast forward a little over a decade and I was trying to figure how out to be a wife and then a mother, afraid I would mess it all up somehow. My thoughts revealed my deepest fears during those times: Am I enough?

Maybe you’ve been there too, wondering if what you do or who you are is enough. Satan often drops lies throughout our days to run us off course. The problem is when we start to believe them. Fears, doubts, insecurities, past sins start to plague us until we feel like complete hypocrites- who am I to share God’s message of grace and forgiveness?

Can I share a secret with you? That is exactly where the king of lies would have you and me- as paralyzed Christians. The spiritual battles we face everyday are real, assaulting us when we least expect it. They occur when we’re getting ready for church as tensions run high and patience wears thin; during the church service thoughts zoom in and out becoming louder than the pastor’s own voice; in private prayer our minds drift toward the to-do list for the day and not on conversing with the God of the Universe.

So how do we fight back against an unseen enemy? There are two things every Christian needs to remember.

First, seeking the Lord in His Word is necessary for feeding our souls but also for equipping our minds. Satan’s battlefield starts with our thoughts. The truth we put in, letting Scripture fall fresh on us is the answer for healing wounds, rescue, and engaging the enemy. We recite Scripture out loud, not as some incantation or magical formula but to turn our thoughts heavenward, back to Christ (Philippians 4:8; Colossians 3:1-2). Use God’s own words and pray them back to Him. He hears us when we pray and His Presence is always with His Beloved. God can never leave or forsake those He has redeemed (Hebrews 13:5-6).

We also fight against the lies of inadequacy through rest. We rest in God’s character, His past and present faithfulness, and His future promises. Jesus is the Good Shepherd carrying us through this life, held safely in His strong arms (Psalm 28).

Jesus is adequate.

His work on the cross is more than enough. He covers all of my shortcomings and failures because He is sufficient. I can never measure up to my own distorted standard of perfection. His perfection and sinlessness stands in the place of my imperfection and sin.

I never feel enough because I can never be enough- I wasn’t meant to. But the greatest news is that Jesus is enough and He is my confident hope. It isn’t a superficial, arrogant confidence stemmed from human pride but a peaceful assurance, knowing Jesus covers believers in His own righteousness so that we can stand before Him. We look to Christ because He is enough for us both now and forevermore.

Grace upon grace,

April

Before my son was 8 months old he had no trouble sleeping. What I mean is, he slept like every other baby. In the early months, a couple times a night he would wake to nurse. Then came a few longer stretches of sleep. Usually rocking would work or the amazing mechanical baby-swing. Wind it up and he was as good as gold.

I thought we were nearing the edge of the woods in the sleep deprivation world. My mom always said you can endure anything as long as it doesn’t last forever. Her words rang in my ears those 3 a.m. nights that seemed endless.

And yet, somewhere around Christmas his sleeping habits grew worse, and so did mine. Frustrated and foggy-brained, I went into survival mode. Just make it through this day. Steal sleep in the cracks. An hour here, a cat nap there, or just close my eyes for a few minutes.

As he out grew the baby-swing, he struggled to sleep through the night. When rocking didn’t work even his naps grew shorter. He woke up crying most days and I scooped him up, weary and defeated, to cradle him on my chest while we both laid on the couch.

My sweet boy would often finish his naps cuddled safely in my arms. This forced me to stop everything else and just rest and be present. His breathing became steady and calm again, as I watched his little body relax into sleep. It was in these moments two verses came to mind as I marveled over God’s way of taking care of me:

“He makes me lie down in green pastures,

He leads me beside quiet waters”

Psalm 23:2

“He gives strength to the weary and

increases the power of the weak”

Isaiah 40:29

God made me physically rest when I needed to. He does this in a way that isn’t militant or harsh, but lovingly.

Tenderly.

Like a Shepherd over His sheep, God knows what is best for us before we do. And I remember laughing over the irony. I was trying to help Jesse rest as God helped me rest. I was a child in need of a nap!

We sometimes forget how important physical rest is and that it can affect our spiritual health as well. We think we can “do it all”. It humbled me to find out that I can’t. Something has to give. It was about this time that Jason and I started praying at night for our son, and for us as well, to have the gift of sleep. I didn’t realize sleep as a precious gift until it was taken away.

And rest came in ways I didn’t expect. Even though the nights were still interrupted with his hyperactivity, God’s grace took shape on that couch during nap time. There were dishes in the sink, laundry to be washed, and a list of to-do items, but the only thing that mattered was the only job I had in that moment: to be still.

And that was enough.

The Lord taught me that I often forget how much I need Him to take care of me as I take care of the sweet, autistic son He has entrusted to me. God delights in ministering to our hearts as well as our physical bodies! He reminds me that He will provide grace even in the cracks.

Grace upon grace,

April

redeemed in grace

Enough

Grace in the cracks

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