when you need to be reminded

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Recently I was reminded that I need to be reminded. Sometimes as a believer I forget who I am in Christ. Part of this problem is occupying my mind with what the world says, thinks and does. Worse, when I believe the lies about who I am, or rather, who I am not. The Bible talks about defending ourselves with the armor of God. So, what does that look like exactly? One active way is to memorize Bible verses.

“I have hidden Your Word in my heart that I might not sin against you.” (Psalm 119:11)

I have dipped my toe in memorizing Scripture in the past but not really pursued it. Most of the verses written on my heart are the fruits of years in Awanas growing up, an old cassette tape singing truth, and Bible class during the awkward years.

Lately there has been a gnawing in my spirit for more – more of God. The restless hunger prompted action. I find that when I commit His Word to my mind, the heart changes too. I begin to love the Bible all over again. God’s Word really is alive as it awakens parts of me I didn’t realize were dormant.

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Speaking Scripture aloud that flows from within is life giving. Slowly, like a bloom that just needs water, light, and time, I begin to spread out my petals little by little. Tight fists can’t receive anything. I open my hands wide and He starts the work of satisfying my soul. Day by day this process occurs. His blessing of filling is not a one-time act. No, in His extravagant love God gives us Himself every day. His mercies are fresh each moment.

So how is this done practically in a world that seeks to snuff out God altogether? Well, the Israelites used to write Scripture and bind them on their foreheads. God knows we are a forgetful bunch so He graciously tells us over and over to remember and do not forget. When we get caught up in the blessings or the trials of life our focus is shifted off of Him and onto the circumstances.

To help combat that, I have started writing out a verse each day to meditate on and try to memorize. I write the first letter of each word on my hand plus the Bible reference. It fades away throughout the day between hand washing and scrubbing pans in the sink. That’s kind of the point so hopefully at the end of the day I have memorized one verse.

Personally this way is less intimidating than remembering whole chunks of Scripture at once. I still might memorize a passage, but it is one verse at a time. As the saying goes, how do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time” (which forgive the example, because, gross). Somehow this way my goal seems realistic. I also secretly hope a stranger notices the scribbles on my hand and inquires about it. What a unique opportunity to quote Scripture!

Is there something you dream of achieving but the obstacles look insurmountable? I’d like to gently encourage you that you do not have to master it all at once. Inch by inch, day by day; chip away at it, whatever it is. You’ll soon see progress, looking back over your shoulder at what was accomplished, and the mountain you climbed without even realizing it. Failure is not starting at all.

Maybe start a journey of committing Scripture to memory too. It helps us claim our identity when we feel lost in a sea of forgetfulness. Remember who you are, whose you are. You belong to Someone. We are a free people, redeemed by grace. We don’t have to listen to what the world says or even care about what they think about us. Use the truth filter God has given us in His Word. You have a place at His table, as His daughter or son, as His beloved.

Grace upon grace,

April

The Importance of Being Still

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Last month Jesse had a seizure. I still remember the phone call from his school nurse. There was slight alarm in her voice, but mostly matter-of-fact. Jesse doesn’t have a history of seizures so this caught everyone off guard. For some reason the moment I heard the word “seizure” I went on autopilot. Rushing out of the house I basically flew to his school. The ambulance blazed sirens loud, passing me at the stop light. I knew those ear cringing alarms were for my son, and my stomach twisted. Pulling in right behind the ambulance at school, I found Jesse quietly sitting up in the clinic. Everything was swirly but not once did I freak out or break down.

That was on a Thursday. I answered the questions from the nurse, school staff, paramedics, husband, doctors, and grandparents. My mind and heart stayed occupied on Jesse the entire weekend, sticking to him like glue. On Sunday we went to church and I still had not emotionally responded to his seizure. Jesse went into his classroom while Jason and I sat in the service. For the first time since receiving that phone call my heart was quiet. In the hush of not asking or answering questions, hearing only the sound of the organ pumping through the sanctuary my eyes filled up. I had not been apart from him since it happened, somehow thinking my presence could prevent another one from occurring. My insides started to crumble realizing the seriousness of it all and how grateful I was he was okay.

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Whenever I keep busy or at least mindlessly pre-occupied, the heart issues well up during the week and go unchecked. When there is no room for quiet there is no chance to hear God’s whisper. It is when God gets me alone the dust settles a bit and my spirit is most vulnerable. He sustains us in the storms and waits for us in the quiet. Psalm 46 came to mind days later noting the significance of being still before the Lord.

“Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth. The Lord Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress.” (Ps. 46:10-11 NIV; emphasis mine)

Even when our world comes crashing down the Father assures us that He is “our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble” (Ps. 46:1). Monday through Saturday I blanket my heart to keep from listening to the God of the Universe. Sometimes its unintentional, sometimes it isn’t. When we feel restless it is because we are not properly resting in Jesus. He has Power and I disregard it as not enough. Grasping the wind to satisfy my soul doesn’t work.

Even as I sit before Him, my mind races with all the things to do today. The Enemy loves to work overtime when we become intentional in pursuing Christ. Don’t let that deter you. When we persevere in our time alone with Jesus and hush our souls, He starts to show up. God has so much to offer and teach us, all we need is to be still and a willingness to listen. You might be surprised what the Lord reveals to you – sin, hurt, suppressed emotions; I always am. Since God made us He knows how we operate better than our selves. The Father of Heaven knows you perfectly, inside and out.

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If we aren’t learning to quiet our hearts as we enter His Majestic Presence we will burn out. Joy is found in worshipping God, which comes from our spirits keeping in step with His. There is one rhythm, the same will, a shared love in connection to fellowship with the Lord.

Jesse’s medical emergency was a wake up call for our family. It also showed me how often I live my life in fight or flight mode, keeping my mind and heart cluttered. Today is not Sunday, so I don’t have the privilege to sit in the sanctuary. But on every other day in the week I can start to carve quiet moments alone with Him. The couch, the kitchen sink, the car are all places that can be turned into a place of worship. Everywhere we go we can be living sanctuaries, knowing the importance of being still.

 

Grace upon grace,

April

Childlike prayer

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We pull into the turning lane to enter our neighborhood and I start to tense because he does. My four-year-old son with autism, hates stopping in traffic. The onset of cars rushing toward him on one side and whizzing by on the other is sensory overload for his system. I can’t say I blame him. He starts to scream, and kicks the center console from his car seat. He cries, “Pray!” And then there is a whimpering, almost begging in his voice, “pray?” My heart splits right in two.

So with my eyes still on the road I lift up my son’s fears to the Lord, asking Him to bring calm and peace to my son’s heart. He quiets and settles down a little, and the two of us turn into our familiar street leaving the chaos of the road for another day.

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I’m often convicted of my anemic prayer life after hearing my son ask for prayer. He prays about everything. I taught him the singing one, “God our Father, God our Father, we give thanks, we give thanks, for our many blessings, for our many blessings, Amen. Amen.” So now whenever he is fearful, in trouble, about to eat, or thankful he puts his little hands together in prayer.

I want to be more intentional, and frequent like that. When we cry out to God offering our pleas or praises, the heart calms. The reason we are admonished to “pray without ceasing” is that our spirits need reminding of Who is in control. I am helpless and needy. It is when I pray that I feel even closer to the Lord. He designed it that way.

Communion in prayer and fellowship with the Father depend on how often I’m speaking to Him in prayer as His Spirit speaks to me through His Word. It doesn’t have to sound super spiritual or stifled with formality. We have the freedom to speak from the heart and plainly present our requests, like a child. God knows what we pray before we even say it, but He also knows that prayer forms belief. It is for our benefit.

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Prayer allows us to see God at work on a personal level. Intimacy blossoms with the Lord as we get a front seat view to His power and faithfulness in answering our petitions. We experience God in those moments. Also, when we don’t get the answers we want, it doesn’t mean the Father is absent or a hard God. It simply means He has a better plan in mind, meant for your good and His glory.

No matter your situation, big or small, nothing is too insignificant or too hard for our Great God. I’m learning to pray and praise God for the everyday things, not just go to Him with emergency crisis prayers.

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My son asks to pray again when we get home. This time it’s because he’s thankful. I can learn from him about how to pray. To be dependent on God through the power of prayer is an opportunity to grow deeper in love and trust with the One who knows us best. It is only then that I understand what it means to have the faith of a child.

Grace upon grace,

April

The Perfect Passover

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“It was just before the Passover Feast. Jesus knew that the time had come for Him to leave this world and go to the Father. Having loved His own who were in the world, He now showed them the full extent of His love.” –John 13:1

 

They wanted You dead

and You let them

take You away.

Questioned, accused, lies,

mocked, betrayed, beaten,

Crucified.

I helped.

The world was not worthy of such

a King.

You made this place Your home

for a little while

to reveal Yourself as the

Son of God.

You taught, You healed, You served,

You loved, You wept;

You obeyed God the Father.

“Hosanna!” they cried, “Save us!”

they pleaded.

Just as the Israelites selected an unblemished

lamb to cover their sins,

so God sent You, the Perfect Lamb

to cleanse our hearts.

Sin requires blood so You gave

Your lifeblood.

It is written, “The life is in the blood.”

Murdered. Resurrected. Redeemed.

Now we are made holy

because You were born to die –

To Save.

“Hosanna” was their shout,

Salvation is Your gift to me.

Hope lives

because Jesus has won.

A prayer for the weary

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Let us admit when we are

exhausted from

spiritual burn-out.

 

Keep us in the dry seasons

when we feel we have nothing to offer.

 

Refresh the sapped and jaded with the Spirit of Truth,

create margin for intentional

Sabbath rest.

 

The works of the believing are stifled if they

are grounded in duty rather than love for Jesus.

And we have so much in us

that can be used to make Your name known.

 

Father, give us a renewed desire

and a fresh vision

for the calling You etch

in our hearts.

 

We are here to testify to

Your greatness.

Let the dimness of our light

begin to beam again.

 

Lead us tenderly.

We are Your servants

and You are our God.

 

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11: 28-30)

Grace upon grace,

April

 

The Road to Jerusalem

He keeps walking toward Jerusalem. His feet like lead, heavily putting one foot in front of the other. He knows what will happen and Jesus goes anyway.

As the Son of God He has set His love upon us so He keeps moving closer.

As the Son of Man He bends His will to the Father walking in full obedience. The wonder of it all. The grotesque brutality and suffering and pain.

Jesus did not walk into His purpose blindly, caught off guard. He understood the cost. Jesus, sorrowful yet determined to fulfill prophecy and redeem all mankind.

Firm, resolved, focused on the task at hand. History was made that day.

Calvary.

Grace in Trials

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Sometimes in the heavy life stuff or even the drudgery of rainy Monday stuff we long to see grace in the midst of it. Like longing for water in the desert, so we need to be sustained in the hard moments. This is a prayer from The Valley of Vision that is helpful to me right now and maybe it is for you too.

Whatever your struggle, know that your response has the potential to become valuable fruit for Jesus. The Lord says He prunes the branches that bear fruit so that they will bear even more fruit. Pruning is a painful, uncomfortable process, and if I’m honest I’d rather escape from my skin to avoid it. But life is messy and hard and trials are inevitable. The good news for believers is that we have a Hope that does not fail us. Perseverance produces character, and through character, an everlasting hope. Thinking of you all today and praying that your trials are not in vain, but will somehow serve the Lord and will turn out for your good. May you receive grace upon grace today.

-April

Grace in Trials

Father of mercies,

Hear me for Jesus’ sake.

I am sinful even in my closest walk

with thee;

it is of thy mercy I died not long ago;

 

Thy grace has given me faith in the cross

by which thou hast reconciled thyself to me

and me to thee,

drawing me by thy great love,

reckoning me as innocent in Christ though

guilty in myself.

 

Giver of all graces,

I look to thee for strength to maintain them in me,

for it is hard to practice what I believe.

 

Strengthen me against temptations.

My heart is an unexhausted fountain of sin,

a river of corruption since childhood days,

flowing on in every pattern of behavior;

 

Thou hast disarmed me of the means

in which I trusted,

and I have no strength but in thee.

Thou alone canst hold back my evil ways,

but without they grace to sustain me I fall.

 

Satan’s darts quickly inflame me,

and the shield that should quench them

easily drops from my hand:

Empower me against his wiles and assaults.

 

Keep me sensible of my weakness,

and of my dependence upon thy strength.

Let every trial teach me more of thy peace,

more of thy love.

 

Thy Holy Spirit is given to increase thy graces,

and I cannot preserve or improve them

unless he works continually in me.

 

May he confirm my trust in thy promised help,

and let me walk humbly in dependence upon thee,

for Jesus’ sake.

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Celebrate Joy (a prayer)

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Thank You, Father for the gift of this day. 

Slow down mindfully no matter what the schedule holds.

Outside may be a fury of deadlines, errands, and appointments,

breaking up squabbles made by little hands and voices –

but inside knowing that life is short, not an emergency.

 The hurry up, keep up pace in our fast moving culture is not something our souls can or should keep in step with.

You, Lord, are to be celebrated in joy not just at Christmas or Easter but everyday.

Each day is a gift because You are the present.

All of the other small, but beautiful gifts coming from Your Hand are stocking stuffers.

You are the Best Gift under the tree, on the Tree. I will celebrate You on this ordinary Monday with the joy and wonder of Christmas Day.

vision of joy

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(Matthew 20:29-34)

The two blind men wanted their sight, Bartimaeus and an unnamed man. Don’t we all want to see? Need to? In blindness we run after gods made out of stone, not even thinking about the God Man who became flesh like us. Jesus restored their sight that day. He gave them the gift of human sight, but more importantly, faith sight. It isn’t until Jesus touches our eyes that we are healed too. Our soul eyes need to be opened before we realize the need for a Savior.

“I once was blind, but now I see” as the old hymn goes. Even with the gift of sight we sometimes decide to take off those glasses. Because at least for now while we reside on earth, our glasses serve as a spiritual tool for better vision. I think those should be included in the armor of God. We at times need to be reminded to keep them on so we don’t wander off blindly, hands outstretched, searching, grasping air. When we remember to put the glasses on and gaze into the Word of God, we see with intention. We go joy hunting through His Word, which gives us breath and life. We learn, over and over again to follow Him through the valleys and peaks of life.

We follow Jesus until our dying breath living out His will, in His strength. And after death we still live in His presence forever and ever- Joy made flesh and sight and solid. What a sweet healing for our eyes. What restoration! How vital to really, clearly see in 20/20 spiritual vision, crystal clear in heaven.

These two men knew the power of Christ. Not only that, they understood His divine identity before they could even see. God was working on their spiritual eyes before He healed the physical. Because eyes to see the mystery of Christ is more critical than the ability to see anything this world has to offer. They followed Him with joy after Jesus healed them because they knew. The blind men had faith in His uncontainable power, His compassion for those without sight to see Saving Grace.

To see God fully is what every Christian longs for. The Spirit acts as the eyes of our hearts. The Lord tears down the blindspots we put up and replaces it with grace to see in spiritual technicolor. This is the truest reality, the one in which you and I cannot yet vividly grasp. Our world now is smoke and mirrors, which will soon burn away and shrivel up. It isn’t really real. We can touch it, see, taste, hear, and smell these good gifts but something greater, more real than where we are now awaits.

Thank You El Roi for the glimpses of the far better and not yet. Thank You for loving us so fully and completely.

Thank You, Father that You are “the God who sees”. We desire to be seen, noticed, cared for, understood. You tell us to “cast all our cares on You” – help us to see as You see things, with holy eyes.

Let us learn to see the everyday graces, to trust You in everything. We just might find ourselves surprised by joy.

Grace upon grace,

April

Go Deeper:  Mark 10:46-52; Luke 18:35-43

You are not alone

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Something I have been fairly open about on here is my trial with infertility. For me it is known as secondary infertility since my husband and I have one biological son. 1 in 8 couples experience difficulty in conceiving or sustaining a pregnancy according to a recent study from the National Survey of Family Growth*. It isn’t talked about so these couples grieve in silence. Something that caught my attention a few months ago was that this problem is not something dealt with just in the United States. I wrote a piece on secondary infertility and it was the most widely read post, reaching to places like the United Kingdom, New Zealand, and South Africa. The frustration and isolation is felt worldwide.

This is why we need each other. You and I are not alone in this. Our valley of infertility may not look the same, but the giants that threaten to slay us there sure seem similar: doubt, fear, anger, and self-pity. Sometimes it is hard to know who is going through this invisible pain. I catch myself wondering why the woman with a seven year old doesn’t have any more children. It is certainly none of my business, but could it be that instead of rushing to a conclusion (or judgment) I could have compassion instead? What if she would love nothing more than to have the pitter-patter of little feet all around her? What if she doesn’t? In any case, my response could make all the difference to her heart. In my own struggle with infertility I am trying to remember to give grace to other women with similar heartache.

That is why I am proud to partner with the Scarlet & Gold Shop in their ‘Give Grace’ campaign. It is a way for women struggling with infertility to come together and show grace to one another in the burdens they carry. Those battle scars can’t ever heal by keeping them buried. After awhile the Band-Aids become stale and just hang there serving no purpose but to hide a wound.

I think men and women process their infertile reality in different ways, but perhaps women feel it more deeply. In 1 Samuel, even Hannah’s husband, Elkanah, didn’t quite understand her sadness because she couldn’t have children. Wasn’t he enough, he asked? Yes and no. The desire for children is God given and there is no shame in that. Elkanah’s other wife, Peninnah, knew how much Hannah suffered because of infertility. Instead of deciding to be a friend and comfort her, Peninnah heaped onto Hannah’s heartache by provoking her barren womb.

One of the names of God that gives me great comfort is ‘Immanuel’, which means, “God with us”. As a Christian His very Presence is always with me. That means that I am not left to myself to fight the giants. He holds out His Hand to lead through all the twists and turns. As God becomes my strength He gives me eyes to see others around me in the valley. We begin to form a grace chain holding hands with each other as we hold onto Immanuel.

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Giving grace to another might look like sharing your story first. Help someone to know they are not alone. If you are not part of this “Club” that no one wants to be in, maybe pray for us? Some may be more sensitive than others when it comes to your words, baby announcements, and baby showers, but it doesn’t mean we don’t need you to encourage us. And even when we have a hard time of it, we still love that you have children and that you are pregnant again, because we love you – and life is beautiful, always.

It is a funny thing learning to be content in the present circumstances while still longing for a baby. There can be streams of joy down in the valley when you realize that you aren’t alone. You do not have to walk this journey alone.

You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you.” (Isaiah 26:3 ESV)

You and I have Immanuel, God with us, and we never have to fear what the future holds when He holds the future.

Grace upon grace,

April

* 2006-2010 National Survey of Family Growth CDC; http://www.resolve.org